How Do You Handle Being Around Your EX?

A dear friend of mine started work recently at a company that she is really excited about, first day at the office, she discovers her ex is also working there, she called me and started to freak out. For some reason, only TV characters know how to handle being around their exes. Ross and Rachel from “Friends” still hung out together even after they had a bad break up and so did Ted and Robin from ‘How I Met Your Mother’! Usually, most of us don’t have to be around an ex like the characters of a TV show, but sometimes we do have some relationships that lead to situations where you still have to see your ex after you’ve broken up. The key is to learn how to handle being around your ex and you will be able to move on.

-You have to be honest with yourself, the first thing you need to do when learning how to handle being around your ex is to be honest with yourself about your feelings. Do you still wish you were with them? Are you happy you’re not together anymore? Your feelings will dictate how to act around your ex. If you still wish you were with them but can’t be for some reason, try to keep your distance until you no longer feel this way. If you are forced to be together, then acknowledge them, but nothing more. There’s nothing worse than being friends with an ex that you still have feelings for. If you’re happy you’re no longer together, then drill that into your head whenever you’re around him/her. You don’t want to fall back into a relationship you weren’t happy in!

-If you know you are going to be around your ex, dress up a bit. Just make sure not to overdo it though! This is not to try and get him/her to reconsider dating you, but it’s more about reminding yourself that you’re gorgeous and are better off without him/her. If your ex was the one who called it quits, it may even boost your self-confidence if you see him/her staring at you. Looking good helps you to feel good, and feeling good around your ex is the key to not letting him/her being around bother you or ruin your day.

-Always be yourself, remember how you were back before the two of you dated? Revert back to acting like that when she/he’s around (minus the flirting). Try to put any bitter or upsetting emotions in the back of your mind and just be the awesome girl/guy you are normally! The last thing you want your ex to see is that you are awkward around him/her because then she/he will think you still want him/her. Pretend like she/he’s just another one of your friends, but not a close friend!

-If you do end up having a conversation, don’t talk about the breakup. If she/he leads the conversation in that direction, just say that you don’t feel like talking about it. Talk about things that won’t lead to an argument like each other’s jobs or what TV shows or movies they’ve been into lately. Try to keep conversation between the two of you within the group and not by yourselves. This way, it will keep you both from talking about the past as it’s not really something everyone around wants to hear.

-You don’t have to overcompensate, many times we feel like we need to “one-up” our ex when we see them. This includes laughing really loudly with our friends when they walk by or deliberately flirting with others when they are near. Try not to do this! First of all, it may come across as desperate and pathetic to your ex, and secondly, it may just cause more raw feelings between the two of you. If your ex starts doing this to you instead, just ignore it. She/he’s doing it to get a rise out of you so don’t give them the satisfaction!

-If your are out with an ex and the rest of your friends, try to keep your drinking to a minimum. When you drink too much, you tend to make decisions you are going to regret. Whether that’s hooking up with your ex when you really shouldn’t have, or saying something stupid that will ruin the relationship you are trying to build up again. Keep it in your head that you are going to have two drinks and nothing more! Control people!!!

-When all fails,just talk, an ex of mine was a guy friend in a group of our friends. After a long tiresome relationship, we decided it was best to stop being around each other as much. After some time went by, our group started hanging out again, which meant I would have to see him more. After a few hangouts, I grew tired of the tension and awkwardness between us. So the next time I saw him, I pulled him to the side and simply let him know how I was feeling, that I still cared about him as a friend, and that it would be really great if we could just go back to how things were before we started hooking up. He agreed, the awkwardness went away, and we were able to have a good time together again with our friends! Sometimes, sincerity and just talking it out are the best ways to handle being around an ex. That is, as long as you’re both on the same page emotion wise!

Keep in mind that every person and every relationship is different. Because of this, you may not always be able to handle being around your ex. I personally have some exes that I still enjoy being around, and others that are completely dead to me. Also, time really does heal all wounds, so if you don’t think you can be around each other now, then try again later on. Do you still hang around one of your exes? Are you both cool with it or is it still completely awkward?