Valentine’s Day Eve…

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It’s 13th February and I know most of you are planning your Valentine’s day brouhaha, some of my readers are probably expecting me to have written some how-to tips or something annoying like that but I’m not going to, at least not today. Check back tomorrow(I will definitely have something).

Today I have bigger fish to fry, if you have been a follower of this blog since its conception, you would remenber that I said this “space/blog” was going to be my venting/thinking place, I’m weird like that, I like to write while I think. Today is one of those deep thinking days and if you are reading this, you are welcome to my twisted( not in the way you think, you goon) mind. I have a problem that has been eating at me since I arrived in the U.K, and Judgement Day is finally here, well almost.

As y’all know, I’m studying for a masters degree in Creative Media Practice, this course according to the school is:

“Is an innovative programme focusing on the development of knowledge and skills in the fast-moving areas of screen, broadcast and digital content creation in the wider creative and cultural industries. This course provides a unique creative space where students can explore and consolidate their creative identities, working with others from diverse creative backgrounds including film, digital media, writing, photography and performance.”

What I didn’t realise is that I had to have the career path I wanted at the back of my head, I thought I was going to be introduced to new skills and maybe discover what I eventually wanted to do with my life, but no. That isn’t remotely the case, yes I have learnt a lot(so much in three months) but I didn’t know I was going to decide so soon what I wanted to do with my life or the masters degree itself.

Today in class, I watched one of my course mates break down because she thought she had signed up for the wrong course, see she is an experienced documentary filmmaker and she expected that there was going to be a lot of practical things to be done and I started to agree with her(in my mind of course), we are writing all these essays and blah, blah, blah and not as much practical stuff as I had hoped but in a little while, it dawned on me, it’s Creative Media PRACTICE! So of course we are going to be writing a lot of essays alongside creating works of art, “the course is supposed to bring out our creative potentials, while providing the critical focus essential to respond flexibly to new opportunities and sustain our careers”.

My problem now is: what am I going to do in/with this degree? I can decide to write, make films, or keep the dream of being Oprah one day alive, but I have to look at all the sides of this and identify my strengths, right? That is kind of what you are supposed to do, and as I write this, I’m extremely sober(shocker, I know) but this is serious stuff.

Film, documentaries and TV are all related and to successfully carve out a path here, there are tools that I need,which I don’t have(yet); I can’t handle a camera properly, I’m shit with the video editing tools-I’m learning it but let’s face it, its not my strong suit, so as much as I want to be like Kemi Adetiba when I grow up, it’s just…*sigh*

I have dreamt for as long as I can remember that I was going to have my own signature couch like Oprah or more recently be the host of a Travel Channel TV show or just do something on TV but you can not believe the level of stage fright I get when I notice that I’m being the center of attention, I’m very scared of the spotlight(strange since I want to be on TV so bad), my tutors and classmates actually think that I’m good at the presenting thing. And I just feel if I’m given the opportunity I “might” be really good at it but I’m really scared of that, and if I’m going to tie that into my Masters project, I need to have those other skills I mentioned earlier because there is only some help you can get before it’s not your creative piece anymore.
Writing, my first love, is something I always turn to, while people might want to put their anger in boxing or screaming or running, I just write and I think I’m quite good at it. I have only written adult fiction and the reflective pieces I upload on this blog, but last year, I wrote two comedy scripts for a class project and it turned out pretty decent, I think. Do I go big and write a feature screenplay for my masters project? It would be very exciting to do, the research and all, but can I do it?

I have always known I will be in the media industry, but I was never sure where I would fit in, I’m not a computer genius who can whiz in and out of Final Cut Pro, or a tech sensei who can handle cameras such as the DSLR and frame shots and all that gibberish. I can’t look at a camera without getting uncomfortable, I can’t even look at my face on a screen, so what do I do? It’s go-time for me. Maybe there is something I’m not seeing, I need another set eyes…. What do you think?

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