Not For Side Chics…

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So I read on http://www.mailonline.co.uk that 78% of women want BOTOX for Valentine’s day? Seriously? That is just sad, why don’t you just practice smiling instead of pouting for a while, it works wonders or better, do some kegels and reward your boyfriend/ lover/ or husband with some milking techniques, that would be fantastic!

I’m not the biggest fan of Valentine’s day(and if at this point with all my fabulousity,you still think that I could be single, then….never mind). Valentine’s day is equals to Friday the 13th in my life so I just like to stay indoors and where its safe and watch TV. But I am so kind and I think that this year, women in relationships should learn something in preparation for the most practical gift ever! The gift of self or in short form, Sex.

You’ve heard all about the benefits of having sex—it can improve your health, help you sleep and, obviously, strengthen your relationship. And the best way to have more sex is to ask for it. But for some women, that’s easier said than done. It may be because you can’t figure out a way to get the message across, or you’re exhausted, shy or just plain out of practice, says ME, sex therapist and author of http://www.purpleandposh.wordpress.com .No matter what the reason is, if you’re not sure how to give your man the hint, here are my top tips to initiate romance.

Put it in writing.
Sometimes, saying, “I want you, now” out loud can feel intimidating or embarrassing, especially if that kind of talk doesn’t come naturally to you. But writing down your desires can help shake off your inhibitions, since you can get your point across without face-to-face contact. Pop a note somewhere he would find it(only him), send him an email (to his personal account!) or tap out a quick text message. What you say depends on your relationship, but, try to break out of your comfort zone to help build erotic anticipation. Texting things like, “Can’t wait until tonight,” or “Having a naughty thought about you right now” can work to build excitement for what’s to come. Or, you can be more graphic(which I prefer) than you might feel comfortable doing in person, saying something like, “Tonight, I’m getting into bed naked and will do XYZ to you…”

Establish an “I’m in the mood” code.
Between the two of you, come up with a word or phrase that is a secret call for sex. Make it something that you can say in public. The contrast between how ordinary the code sounds to others and what it really means to you stirs up excitement and fosters intimacy. Try something like, “Baby, can you help me check my online application later?” or my personal favourite, “I really have a headache!” (Oh and fun fact: sex cures headaches)

Get—and stay––in the mood.
When it comes to summoning sex, getting yourself in the mood is half the battle. You are more likely to initiate sex later if you pay attention to your own feelings first. Look at some erotic images, such as those in the online(I’m not giving examples), or read a few passages from a favorite romance novel or http://www.purpleandposh.wordpress.com to put you in a sexual state of mind. If that’s not your speed, just spend some time thinking in detail about the last time you had sex, which will help rev your appetite. I would also recommend going for a walk to boost endorphins(I love that word!), wearing lingerie to work or even thinking about your favorite celebrity crush. By reminding yourself to keep sex at the forefront of your mind all day, the positive vibes will last well until bedtime, inspiring you to make a move.

Send a nonverbal cue.
If verbal requests for sex are out of your comfort zone, don’t worry: non-verbal initiation can be just as powerful. Try a kiss on his neck or a little ear-nibbling while he’s on the computer or watching TV. Then escalate the gesture by stroking his arm while you’re sitting near each other. Ramping it up slowly like this serves two purposes: First, the element of surprise can boost sexual feelings; secondly, the non-verbal come-on can be unexpected, which could pave the way for spontaneous sex.

Try something new together.
Explore unknown territory as a couple, whether that means attending a free zumba class or something like that. When couples do new things together they produce more dopamine, the feel-good brain chemical which will help make you feel closer(Wikipedia says so). And if you enjoyed that zumba class and ended up making love when you got home? That tradition will likely catch on, so doing it after any excursion may become a delicious habit.

Be generous with compliments.
As relationships progress, couples are often less inclined to court and compliment one another. Noticing—and appreciating—each other’s positive attributes not only fosters affection, but will also remind you both of the early days of your relationship, when sex was likely intoxicating and frequent. The key here is to identify those times that your partner looks sexy or really impresses you, and tell him rather than keep it to yourself. Try something like, “I was looking out the window when you were getting into your car, you looked so hot in those pants!” Or, “Honey, you just look so sexy when you’re cooking.” That kind of appreciation is an ideal segue into sex.(And more cooking)

Change the timing.
Instead of initiating sex as the two of you are settling into bed with a book or after dinner, make your move during unusual-for-you times. The idea is that by taking him (and yourself!) by surprise, you may shed a few of your inhibitions, since the experience will feel out of context. Try anything that’s out of the ordinary, like hugging him from behind when he’s working on the computer and whispering, ‘Wanna do it?’ in his ear”. Turning the expected on its head sparks excitement—for both of you. Conversely, the same thing might happen when you make the effort to schedule sex; the anticipation—and the habit—all build sexual excitement as you count down towards “go” time.

Play the “remember when” game.
As you’re sitting on the couch together, or over dinner, recall your best, sexiest memories. Saying things like, ‘Hey, remember that time when we went to that wedding on that weekend and it took us a whole afternoon to even leave our hotel room?’ tells him that you are thinking about him in a sexual way. And reminiscing together about past experiences will not only pave the way for a romp in the hay, but will also reinforce the bond between you as a couple.

Be straightforward!
Being absolutely direct is natural for some women, and a little harder for others. If you can master it, nothing works better. Because what man doesn’t want to hear, “I’m taking a shower. Care to join me?” Or, “Get in bed. Now.” The perks of being direct are that you don’t have to worry about being clever or creative, or expending loads of time and energy conjuring up ways to ask for it. And in this case, practice makes perfect! The more you directly ask for sex, the more second nature it will become.
And if all fails, have some vodka…xo

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