Men and Women = A Recipe For…
Hey guys, did you miss me I kinda did…I’m just going to dive into this issue before it escapes. I saw a piece by some guy who thinks men and women can’t be “just” friends, I disagree because I have lots of male friends. Lots!
This part of his article dazed me: Unless you are a wildebeest, all of your “guy friends” will definitely bang you if given the chance. The only reason they talk to you is because they either already have, or because they want to. Aside from that, they are your boyfriend’s friends and not really your friends. If they still talk to you after you and your boyfriend/husband are broken up, it’s because they want to bang you. Simple. What I understand from this dude is that he feels all guys(him included) are dogs.
Can men and women be just friends though? I have always thought about this question, I don’t know how to answer it exactly but I’ll give you a test to try at the end of my argument/rant. I want to elaborate on this concept of men and women being just friends. When we are in a relationship with someone, we are not very comfortable with them being friends with members of the opposite sex, because we’re worried that there may be something more there. What if there is an attraction? What if they secretly want to sleep with each other?
I want to delve into the subject more because I feel there is a somewhat childish assumption that our partners would never be attracted to anyone else. And shouldn’t be attracted to anyone else. In trying to believe this, we attempt to suppress the most basic instincts in our partners which is the instinct to become attracted to attractive qualities in other people.
The thing is I believe we hang around people that we ourselves find attractive,it might be a physical attraction, sometimes you may be attracted to their brain, the way they handle themselves, the way they dress, talk or even walk! I don’t think it’s realistic to assume that we would never be attracted to qualities in any one else other than our partners. What I do believe is that it has no bearing on our loyalty.
Our loyalty is something that we exercise when we are in a relationship, it has nothing to do with the friendships that we have. In other words you can go out and choose friends who subconsciously even though you wouldn’t admit it, there maybe some level of attraction. You might be attracted to something in that person,that doesn’t mean you were going to do anything about it, it just means that, that’s why you chose them in the first place as a friend. You were obviously attracted to something about that, it doesn’t mean that you want them over your partner. If your partner has a friendship with someone else doesn’t mean they want that person over you. The idea of debating friendships between men and women by asking if there is an attraction or not, I think it’s kind of a naive and childish way to look at it.
Of course there is an attraction! In many friendships that are just friendships, of course there is, it would be crazy and naive to assume otherwise. The question shouldn’t be can men and women be friends, the question should be are they willing to just be friends. Your partner’s loyalty isn’t defined by how many people they are not attracted to, your partner’s loyalty is defined by the amount of people they can be attracted to and still be loyal to you, still be faithful. That to me is what loyalty is truly about.
There is no win, there is no award in someone never being attracted to other people, that just means that you’re the only person in the world they are attracted to and by default they are with you, if they can be attracted to many people and still be loyal to you, that’s true loyalty. Because now they are sticking around by choice not because they haven’t found anything better.
Ps: yes, I’m attracted to all my friends, male and female😎
How I like to answer this question, is with a test: if you can drink 10 shots of vodka and at the end of those 10 shots neither one of you attempts to sleep with the other person? Yes, you can just be friends. That is not to say there isn’t any attraction between two of you, that is to say that even if they have lost their inhibitions, even when they are in a state of weakness, in a place where they are vulnerable, if even then, they make the decision that no,this is going to be platonic, there isn’t going to be more, then you know the person who is really in a friendship, whether it’s you or your partner. I stand by that test.
Drink responsibly my friends.
If you have more arguments for me, please drop a comment below…x