Is He Too Hot For You???

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Hello beautiful people, I always miss you guys when I’m not here, I’m thankful for the readers who like to keep in touch via other forms of social media. Recently, a friend of mine met this guy who is “hot” by society’s standards and becomes a mess whenever she is around him. They occasionally work together on some projects now and if he invites her for drinks with other colleagues, she just keeps analyzing the reason why he would invite her, her issue is that; how can a guy so hot even be talking to her. In her exact words,” he is too hot for me”. You already how much I hate that kind of talk, so I had to set her straight here.

Is he too hot for you?

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In fact let’s direct this to men as well. Is she too hot for you?

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Firstly, let’s address the fundamental issue that most of us become a weird uncharismatic crazy person around someone who we think is hot, we lose everything, we lose our charisma, we lose the ability to emote properly, we lose the ability to be charming or witty, we just become a mess. And the first reason we get so nervous is we put this person on a pedestal, we start overvaluing their looks, get crazy nervous around them because we see them as someone who is somehow more important than us just by the merit of being a certain way genetically that they were born with(or not born with) depending on which part of the world you live in and what people tend to get done cosmetically.

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The second problem is that we have what I would call ‘aesthetics amnesia’, we see someone we think is hot, and we immediately forget anyone we ever found hot in our lives and we feel like we’d never find someone as hot again. The world begins to revolve around this person and what happens in this moment. And we forget that probably one hour from now we’d see someone hotter, or at least one day from now, or at least next week!

The third thing that happens to people is that they have this enormous amount of intent, they start thinking that they have to do something amazing right now in order to seduce this person, get their number, take them home, sleep with them, have a relationship with them, make them fall in love with them forever and ever and never be with anyone else(whewwww!!) We get this enormous amount of agenda that suddenly becomes associated with this moment and the problem with that agenda is you can never live up to your idea of what you want to happen. We have to take this back a notch, in other words, when you get to the gym, and you haven’t been to the gym in five years, you don’t go to the gym and say, “I’m going to do a triple backflip as the first thing that I do.” Instead you just do the boring thing and you get on the treadmill. And I think we have to do the same thing in our dating life.

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When you see someone that you’re attracted to, do the boring thing, just do something, don’t think you have to do something revolutionary, don’t try and think of the most magical line in your mind and don’t have this crazy agenda of everything you want to happen, just do the boring thing.

Now the answer to this post’s question; is he or she too hot for you? The answer is no unless you make them that way. People’s values are measured in different ways and looks is just one of them and a very transcient one(and superficial one I might add at that). We have to start putting people in our league or putting ourselves in their league by not getting over nervous about this situation, instead just do the average thing.

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Do you know how many people get into relationships by just doing the average thing? Guys do you know how many other other guys get laid every night just because at some point in the night they walk up to a woman and say, “hey”? Ladies, do you know how many other women get into relationships with great men because they weren’t overanalysing in their heads everything they should do in that moment, they just said something.

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When we say, there are so many other women out there to compete with, or guys that say there so many other guys out there to compete with, the truth is most of them aren’t doing anything. When I chat with some of my female friends, and they are like “Amyn, the girls outnumber the guys 2: 1, its so tough out there” I always say the same thing, 9 out of 10 of those women are doing nothing. They are standing in the corner of a bar hoping a guy would talk to them, they are not your competition, your competition is the one or two women out of 10 that are proactive and therefore the odds get better, the ratios are amazing at that level.

Hot people aren’t as used to getting approached as you might think because a lot of people don’t even talk to them and they give off a vibe of not being able to be talked to, but when those people just say something and treat them like anybody else, all of a sudden, the value of that person goes up because they realise that they are not being treated special by this person, that person just decided to do the average boring thing.

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It won’t work on everyone, I’m not saying this is an approach that is going to get every person you are attracted to, to like you but guess what? The odds are better in doing the boring thing than in hanging back and being in your mind, overanalysing what you should do until that person walks out of the room and you never said a word to them anyway. Your chances are better with doing something than doing nothing, so go to the gym, get on the treadmill, stop trying to do a triple backflip(whatever the hell that is) and do the boring thing.

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That’s it!

They are not too hot for you, by the way. Relax. It’s fine.
Just talk.