The Biggest Scam Of All…

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I remember how badly I wanted to grow old and do grown up things when I was a kid, now that I have gotten a taste of it, I want to go back into my mummy’s warm, quiet womb and just chill there for another decade or so. This is not how I planned it, everything is just so blehh. It is the last day of September, so I think it is appropriate for me to vent before we go into my birthday month. I have to shed all of these rants before I kill a rat(I like to take my frustrations out on rats, BTW).

There are a couple of things I would like to rant about and thank God also because I  am not an ungrateful piece of shit, it has been a combination of ups and downs but I still think the universe is conspiring against me. To be clear, I want you to realize that I am not complaining, I am just ranting. I’m a Lagos girl, I can take the heat(besides with vodka all things are possible) I just feel like I have to let this out before, you know, I handle the rats.

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Honestly I am not looking for money, I am looking experiences and adventures(professionally of course), I want to do so many things with all of the God-given creativity. I think when you follow your passion, eventually it starts to pay off. The problem the society has with me is this: they can’t put me in a box. I don’t have one skill,*in Liam Neeson voice* I do have a unique set of skills. And I am not after the money, I just need to pour it all out, I don’t plan to “suffer for my art” but I can take the heat. Few of the older people in my life keep talking about the money that my mother has spent on training me and when they hear that I don’t mind an unpaid internship, it all goes to hell. All these people sef, what is your own? Una dey help me count years ni? If it is at the age of 30 that I would “blow”, how is that your problem? I know I am not the only one going through this because a lot of my friends complain of the same thing, but it takes a lot of patience to find a job in this economy, that is why most of them are forced to go into jobs they don’t even enjoy. What I want is a job that makes me get up on a rainy Monday morning. Is that too much to ask?

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Marriage is even the worst thing about getting old, especially if you are female in these parts. Let me give you an example of how I get interrogated.

“Are you done with school?”

“Oh you just finished your masters?”

“Have you served?”

” Fantastic, so when are we going to hear the wedding bells?”

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Just imagine o! And some of these questions are from single 45 year old single women(but I’m not judging) I just want you to free me and mind your own business. Dating right now is even getting weird, it’s like there is no dating for dating sake or just getting to know people, if I start getting close to any guy, awon aye would set their timers. And if I decide I don’t want to date anyone, they would still say, how can you say you want to remain single you don’t know you are getting old. SMH. Honestly, I am not just ready for that responsibility. When I do find someone who makes it feel like less of a chore, maybe that is when I would realize I have found the one. Until then, no pressure.

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ON A GRATEFUL NOTE: The best part of getting old is Vodka. And Porto. And Gin. And Whiskey. And Rum. That’s it! Hahaha! Just kidding(not). I am grateful for the people I have met on this journey called life. My mum and sister are the only family I have,  friends have made up for the rest and that is something I am so thankful for because if I was a kid, I probably would not have been able to meet the types of people I have been blessed to meet, physically and virtually.

Okay, I’m done ranting, I don’t even think it was that much of a rant.

October is here people, it’s breast awareness month so don’t forget to wear a shade of pink and spread the word. Let’s kick cancer’s butt. It is going to be an exciting month for all of us because it’s my birthday month *tongue out* and because you are going to make it exciting so we can have things to chat about.

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See you next month, i’ll be here sipping my Capri-Sonne and whipping up some steamy erotica…x

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