It’s My Effing Birthday!!!

The day I have been waiting for since the beginning of the year has finally come. I have to admit though, since September things have been kinda weird and just not right. It’s almost like the universe decided to conspire against me, just so it could see my cheeks reduce. But no! My cheeks are going nowhere! #FatCheeksRule
At the beginning of the year, I fantasised about what I’ll be doing today, and what it would even look like. This is what I had in my head.  I saw a relaxed day at home with my mummy and Doctore. Lots of Capri-Sonne laying about. Lamp chops marinating in the fridge. And a big ol bottle of Porto by my side at all times. Nothing fancy, right?(I’m simple like that)
But this is what today looks like!(As at time of writing, duh!)
It’s a Wednesday. Fashola made today the “No horn day”( that’s already a recipe for disaster), my phone is still at the care center so people can’t Whatsapp me( it’s terrible, no emoticons for my birthday). My baby sister isn’t around, so nobody jumped on my bed at midnight. I’m at work, so there is no Porto by my side. Meaning I’m sober right now. That is not a good thing.
But it’s not all bad though.
Since I can’t be reached via Whatsapp, most people had to call, which was/is really lovely. My mummy woke me up, she didn’t jump, but she gave me a big smooch( I love smooches!) The church behind my house did not do praise and worship, it’s like they knew I needed to sleep. But I have my mafia fuel, I think i’ll be fine.
I did a #TwentyThingsAboutMe challenge on Instagram a few weeks ago, so I thought I’d share that here but make it twenty-six because it’s my birthday and all. And for the sake of my birthday, I’d love for you to share with me just two random facts about you.
1. My name is Amyn not ‘Amin’ or ‘Ameem’
2. I’m 5ft. 7in(okay I’m 5ft 6.3in) whatever…
3. Boiled yam and stew is my weakness.
4. My all time favourite movie is Mr & Mrs Smith(bite me)
5. I can be a little superstitious ( just a bit)
6. That mushy feeling people have when they see babies or puppies is the feeling I get when I see old people. I love old people!!!!
7. I have a lipgloss addiction. I don’t know how many lipgloss tubes I own, it’s ridiculous. I’m almost ashamed of myself.
8. I have written a lot of fiction but I really want to write a serial killing fiction novel set in Nigeria, the serial killer would be a suya seller.(yeah, think about that!)
9. People tell me my lips are my best feature, but I think it’s my legs.
10. I’m anger-proof. I get irritated or sad for like 10mins tops, but I never get mad. Seriously! Many have tried.
11. My #getfatordyingtryingdiet is 80% pasta, 10% bread(all types of bread) and 10% sleep.
12. I’m saying this with a straight face- I am not an alcoholic.
13. If Sony Xperia ever decides to use a face to endorse their phones, it should be me. Haba! Since they were just Ericsson o! And people say I have commitment issues, mtshewwww
14. I worry. A lot. About my friends and my family. But they don’t know. If you are connected to me, I always worry about you and I pray. (Yes, I do know how to pray).
15. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. But I want to have a variety of experiences.
16. My favourite colours are black and purple but I’m sure you already know that. Duh!
17. Drivers like me. All types of drivers; buses, taxis, lorries, your company driver, all of them, we just have this connection.(I’m an awesome vehicle buddy which is so weird cuz I have motion sickness)
18.  If I was a guy, I’d be a boobs guy. I just like breasts, they are so… Heavenly. Fortunately, I’m a girl and I can touch the breast of another girl without it being “pervvy”
19. I’m very serious about Kegels. (If you don’t know what it is, Google)
20. I play golf. And I have a very mean swing (my arms are stronger than they look)
21. I strongly believe chivalry is not dead.
22. I enjoy reading medical and historical thrillers. (Something about an evil mastermind warms my belly)
23. I’m not a big fan of weddings, I prefer funerals.(the food is better and there is more alcohol) hehehe!
24. The ring on my left index finger was given to me by my mum. (She had it made while pregnant with me, she said she wanted to be the first person to give me a ring).
25. I like to dance but I have two left feet, I only dance properly when I’m wasted!
26. When I die, I want to be remembered for making people laugh and helping them see the better version of themselves.
Today marks two years writing and ranting on this blog and I want to thank you all for making it an interesting journey. Some very loyal readers are saying they want the blog to be more personal, I don’t know how much personal this blog can be, you guys already know everything( including my bra size). So I’m starting a 52 week blog challenge starting next month with another page still attached to this blog. The title of the page will be #52WeekBlogChallenge and the posts will be titled ‘Week 1’, etc. I’m already shaking in my boots but I’m also excited because I have to post every week, if not feel free to send me a stink mail. My second plan is to feature guest writers. I like to read good stuff and I know people do too, so if you are a writer of any kind, feel free to send me stuff at , so it can be featured here.i want us all to be awesome!!! For the new story on the other blog, Remember When
To all my birthday mates around the world, Happy Birthday!!!!!
I’ll let you know how today ends(hopefully someone gets me the Lagos monopoly set thingy), I know something fun and unexpected will happen. *fingers crossed*