#SexTalk: Going Down Memory Lane…

Well, at 26, sometimes I like to feel like I know everything there is to know about sex. Wrong! There is always that experience that wows me and I just think, “can this ice-cream get any better?” Apparently it can. He he he.

Strolling down memory lane to find material for this piece made me cringe. Especially my first kiss. Oh dear! It was horrible! I don’t think I can even explain in proper details how embarrassing it was. Lucky me though, it was with a very charming young man who knew what he was supposed to do. And he taught one important life lesson that improved my err.. for the lack of a better word, let’s say he improved my prowess over the years. This is what he said, “just relax and follow me”. Can you imagine that? Deep, huhn? He is just awesome. I don’t even like to call him my first boyfriend, I prefer to call him my first experience with a guy.  Dude, if you are reading this, THANK YOU!

Okay, enough marketing, moving on…

Over the last few years, I have  learned that I had to be focused and open and receptive in order to have an orgasm, also I learned that a man will follow you almost anywhere if you are talented at oral sex.

I have tried my best, and humbly, I think I have some real talent. But it took me a long time to understand some other things that I could have used during those early years when I had the fine face but not necessarily the self-awareness to use it more wisely.

1. I wasn’t picky enough.

First of all, most people already think I’m too picky, but I wish I had skipped a few guys who I should have known right away would be mostly making love to themselves—or for themselves. I am better now at knowing which men really love and appreciate women, and which men can’t get out of their own aura. How do I know? Men who love women get to know you over food or a few “relevant dates”, and they apply what they have learned about you there in the bedroom. Rule of thumb: If a man doesn’t get to know you above the collarbone, it is unlikely he is going to do any real exploring below.

2. I think I rushed. I wished I had learned to take it slower. I was mostly about immediate passion, rather than a slow, exploratory build-up. I read somewhere that, “Most women fake orgasms because most men fake foreplay.” I wish I had made more opportunities to be whipped up into a fine lager instead of demanding so much passion right at the start. Quickies and immediate penetration can be sexy as hell, but it usually means that you stay in the foothills instead of reaching the higher peaks.

3. I didn’t share my dirty little secrets. I wish I had used fantasy when I was younger. Sharing fantasies, sometimes out of bed, sometimes in it, can be the most intimate of all sexual acts. There is something about opening up and sharing your most intricate and unexpected thoughts with one another that creates a unique bond between lovers. I would have been far too embarrassed to admit to some of my fantasies before. Now I realize how what you’re most afraid will drive you apart can actually bring two people together. Now, I even write my fantasies as stories, you can check out Purple and Posh.

4. Honestly, I took it too seriously. I would definitely have liked to have been freer about using toys together. Oh sure, I did try a few—but it took me a while to be as playful as I am now. I think laughing in bed is half of the joy of being intimate, and a sense of humor, as well as a sense of adventure. It allows you to try some of the more daring sexual devices. Whether or not you ever use them again is unimportant. On the other hand, try them once, and you may well rank them among your most precious possessions! I think experimentation nurtures play and passion in long-term relationships, and what could possibly be wrong with that? Looking back, I wouldn’t shy away from trying vibrating panties, edible body paint, vibrating penis rings… You get the idea 🙂

5. I didn’t appreciate my body. I wish I had appreciated all that my body could do and not wasted time on my ridiculous list of imperfections. When you get to your prime years(i’m not there yet) you realize that a healthy body is a great body—and I have been blessed with one that still has all its parts in place, still loves and appreciates sex, and still has the capacity to make me and my partner feel blissful in each other’s arms. So much time wasted over fretting about weight, breast size or butt shape! The guy who wants you, wants you. I’ve learned to believe that the most important thing is to let someone adore you and enjoy whatever moment you have together without inhibition. I wish I had given myself that same permission and satisfaction a long time ago.

Okay guys, now it’s your turn. What do you wish you had done earlier to improve your sex life? Please share your embarrassing stories… x

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