11 Ways To Be Horrible At Sex…

I was going through my features archive. Old posts from old blogs that I had started few years back. I can’t believe I wrote this. It’s the title that made me laugh. Since it’s #ThrowbackThursday, I felt I could share this with you guys. I still agree with all of it, what do you think?


     1. Fear of Kissing 

I know you’re trying to keep it casual and everything, but unless money changed hands, kissing is part of sex.

2. Fear of the Missionary Position

Hey! Congratulations on being a porn star, but don’t be afraid of doing it regular, either. Jumping right into a weird position makes it seem like you could be having sex with just anybody. You’ve got to actually look at the person you’re schtupping sometimes and figure out what the hell you’re doing before you get into acrobatics.

3. Fear of Other Positions

On the other hand, if the way grandma and grandpa used to do it is your entire repertoire, it’s going to get old fast.

4. Saying the Wrong Name

This actually, really does happen. If you’re not 100% sure, DON’T SAY ANYTHING.

5. No “O” Regard

Unless one of you explicitly waives the right, it should be assumed that the sex isn’t over until both of you have achieved orgasm. If one of you has to do it yourself in order to make it happen, that’s fine, but the other person should at the very least stay awake until “the big moment.”

6. Not Going Down

In this day and age? Seriously? You don’t have to do it all the time, they don’t have to orgasm from oral alone, but you’ve at least got to put a little time in down there. It’s only polite.

7. Avoiding the Facts

Look, if you’re going through a patch of lousy sex with someone, you need to fix it. It’s a sensitive topic and you always want to be careful not to blame your partner, but you need to talk about it and figure out what to do differently if you can’t figure it out in the sack. Extended periods of unaddressed terrible sex breed bitterness.

8. Being a Jackrabbit

This one’s mostly just for the dudes: Take it easy, bro. Building up to some fast, hard, world-rocking sex is great, but if that’s all you got? You really need to change up your rhythm every once in awhile, so you can figure out what the other person in bed with you likes.

9. Just Lying There

And to the ladies: My god! Move your hips, touch their butt, grab their face between your hands, whisper dirty things in their ear, do something!

10. Pulling Some Kinky, Taboo Sh*t Without Talking About It First

Even the most open-minded lover appreciates some kind of a heads up. Seriously, though, going to a dark place, mid sex, when you don’t know for sure that your partner’s into that? Really uncool.

11. Not Listening

It’s a given that, if someone actually tells you they don’t like something, you stop doing that thing. It’s also important to pay attention to other signals, too, though. No everyone is great at just telling you what’s okay and what’s not okay. I’m not suggesting that you stop and ask someone “What’s wrong?” every 30 seconds, but if you notice that they have a faraway look in their eye, yeah, stop and ask.

What else do you think happens horribly behind closed doors? Or did I cover the basics? Drop a comment…x