Leaving Your Wife For Your Mistress Is A Bad Bad Idea…
Sigh… Where do I even begin?
First of all, Happy New Year!
I had a lot of plans for the blog this year. Notes and dreams and concrete ideas that would take this to the very end of the planet, but January 1st came and I kinda felt deflated. I don’t know why but I couldn’t write. Nothing at all. Sentences were washy. I was struggling with words(this almost never happens) My devices were always running out of power, and for some strange reason, then was no pen in sight. And then, it got me thinking. Thinking about what was blocking my juices *wink wink*
It was the blog. The journaling. The writing. This blog was created to be my little corner to rant and muse after experiencing life on the outside. I made the tiny error of turning the blog into “the outside”. In a nutshell, I wasn’t living anymore, I was zooming in and out of this tiny space in my head with nowhere to rant and muse. This is what happens when you neglect your wife and focus on only your mistress. Your mistress doesn’t want you full time, she is only there to play a supporting role, you abandon your wife and move in with the mistress and you meet a completely different ball game. And that was my block. I was paying more attention to my mistress. And I thought I was doing the right thing.
Does this even make sense? Yes. I think it does.
I have an overwhelming feeling that if you sat down a group of twenty/thirty-somethings from all walks of life, all ethnic and cultural backgrounds, all relationship statuses and religious backgrounds and social classes and sexual orientations, you could make them bond/discuss/open up/connect by using just ONE phrase that I guarantee every SINGLE one of them would relate to:
“This isn’t where I thought I’d be.”
Man. So few completely vague words in a sentence have the power to resonate with all of us. To shake us to our cores. To force us to rethink and overthink and try to forget our current situations and dwell on the pasts that we all are so desperately in need of remembering to learn from.
I’ve had about a gazillion conversations about this for the past month, it seems like. Seriously. Everyone I talk to is having some kind of realization when it comes to this; even the people who ‘have it together.’ I know now that, honestly, NOBODY has it together! (This includes me, of course.)
We are all struggling. And what’s so funny is that in a way, we’re all struggling with the same thing:
___ just turned out differently than we thought/planned.
It’s a heartbreaking thing, really. It can destroy us if we let it, worst-case scenario. But best-case scenario, we’re learning from something at some point and there’s something way better, something we can’t even fathom, for later.
How easy it is to fall into a trap; how difficult to hope for better.
I don’t know about you, but I take comfort in the fact that I’m not alone in this debacle. Somehow knowing that there are other people out there who are on a journey too makes it seem more manageable.
Why AREN’T we talking about it? Why does it sit in the silence? Why do we let it hang over us like a veil when we should be waving it like a flag that seems to sing out: “Me too!”
I’ve never really sat down and plotted/diagrammed it out, but we all meet the people in our lives for reasons we don’t know/won’t understand. None of this is by chance or accident.
All we have is our souls, God and each other. Really. And so I am thankful for those who are struggling with me. I’m not thankful for their struggling, of course; I’m just thankful that I know them and that they share in this hope. I pray that we all find contentment within our situations but also that we never stop acknowledging our trials or writing them off as unimportant or whining or whatever. Because I can think something to myself all day, but when I hear that you’re dealing with it too, I see myself in you and you in me and God in us. And there is harmony amidst the chaos.
If you’re on my BBM contact list, you have been following a certain upload thingy that I have kept as a personal message. Started like this:
Well, now it’s 100% And you are probably wondering what I have been building up to, right? Let me start from the beginning. I had no idea what I was doing when I put up the 4%, it was like all random things I do, no reason no cause. And then friends started to ask me what it was all about, and somewhere in my head I started to believe that something was about to happen in my life. Something good. I believed it with all my heart.
Eventually it did. Something did happened. I’m still mind blown. I just got a job opportunity that I’m really excited about!!! I start today. Yaaaaaay!
So, in order to restore the balance in my life, I have decided to go back home to my wife, reconnect with her and give my mistress a little break, because you know how wives are. Eventually they make you crazy. You still don’t understand the analogy? The wife is my day job/career-ish and the writing/ the blog is my mistress. Comprendé? I’m taking a little break from the blog, to reconnect with work. In the past I have learned that the more experiences I gather outside, the more I want to write and document stuff. This is not goodbye, I’ll be popping in sometimes to say hey. I don’t want to miss you too much.
“Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough.
And I will believe the same about you.” (Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower.)
Note: I’ll still be hosting the #LipglossmaffiaAfterDark chats, every night at 10pm(Nigerian time) on the Blackberry Channel.
You can always me find on:
Facebook Amyn Bawa-Allah
I’m sure you get the drift with the handle, yeah?
See you soon, wish me luck.