What They Won’t Tell You About Dating(And You Should Trust Me Because I’m The Real-ish Deal)…
I’ve read A LOT of dating advice books in my life. A lot. But these three kind of stand out:
He’s Just Not That Into You — which after I read it, made me think no guy I dated was ever actually, 100%, into me.
Why Men Love Bitches — which also, made me feel as though any guy I dated after was not really into me.
And, Patti Stanger’s book, which the only advice I actually remember from it had to do with her saying that guys don’t want to date girls who air their relationship stories out to the world. So, as a dating and relationship blogger (yes, I just called myself that, BOOM!) and a lover of Love, it looks like I’m doomed. Thanks, Patti.
So, do me a favour. Will you? Take your stack of worn-out, tear-stained, dating advice books and throw them out. Throw them in the bin, use them as door stoppers, glue them on top of each other and make them into a sturdy step stool. Just don’t read them anymore, okay? It’s pointless. All they’ll do is twist your thoughts, your judgments and your actions around like a tangled earpiece, leaving you acting like some kind of robotic monster who says and does things completely out of character.
Remember, only these tips. Why? Because I love you. And, when I drink, I get inspired to give really great advice(so I’ve been told) So, just trust me.
1. If you want to meet new people (potential dates) you need to actually try.
I have seen this too many times. Stop letting your couch cushions and your DSTV and your Once In A While girls’ nights (where you ONLY dance and talk to each other) keep on inhibiting you from meeting people. Go to a meet-up event. Start shaking hands with strangers. Set up an online account on a website you’re open to giving a try. Just start by stopping to look down at your phone all the time while you’re out in public and say Hello more. Go out! Participate in experience of meeting people.
2. If it’s not passionate, I-can’t-stop-thinking-about-you kind of love, what’s the point?
Seriously though. Why bother? Too many things in life are just mundane and blasé, love shouldn’t be. The person who latches onto your heart should make you feel extraordinary. There’s absolutely no point in settling down just to settle. It is not a do-or die affair.
3. Write down a list of things you love in this world and a list of things that bother you.
I’m very serious about this. You need to examine yourself. Start to understand who you are a bit more and then, after it’s spelled out on paper, begin to love yourself in such an unconditional way. Own up to the quirks and habits and hobbies that make you, you. That way, when someone enters your life, you’ll be able to dazzle them with confidence.
4. Find an example.
Your parents. Friends of yours. The 96-year-old couple living in your estate, always looking at each other like they just met for the first time. Mine is Aunty Bunmi and Uncle Francis. Aunty Bunmi is my self-acquired godmother and she and her husband are my couple goals.When you’re in the presence you almost feel like an intruder, they are so into each other, so in sync. I’m in love. You should find comfort in knowing that that crazy little thing called love does, in fact, exist. It really does.
5. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not.
Don’t ignore the red flags that wave frantically at you, like a teenager trying to catch the attention of a member of One Direction, on dates 1-3. Listen to your gut.
“Love is a verb. That’s the secret. You’re welcome. Amyn Bawa-Allah, Nov 2016”
6. Never say you’re too busy for love.
Because you’re not. It’s a lousy excuse. It’s one of those things we tell ourselves because we desperately want to believe it. If you want something bad enough, you’ll somehow find the time to do it, to have it, to hold onto it. “Too busy for love”, that is the stupidest thing we tell ourselves.
7. Treat love like you do books.
Only a book lover would get this. When it gets boring, or too complicated, put it down. Skip to the end. Again, it is not a do-or-die affair.
8. If by date #4, you’re questioning your interest in a person, call it quits.
Don’t waste time letting something drag on what’s not meant to be—likewise, don’t force something that’s not meant to be.
9. Don’t hold back.
Talk about whatever you want. Order your favourite dish of spaghetti and eat it on a first date. If you put on a costume and adopt someone else’s personality, you’re just delaying the inevitable: the person getting to know the real you. If you’re not sure who the real you is, that’s okay, please refer back to #3.
10. Do only what feels right.
If you want to text the person after the date to say thank you for the nice night out, or after the third date give them a smooch goodbye, do it. The worst part of doing a case study on shredded love is having your memories corrupted by all the things you wish you did.
I hope I have been able to motivate you in the right way. Yeah?