Musings: Stop Leaving Things At His House…
I feel like I’m going to get in trouble for this post. Oh well…
Stop leaving things at guys’ houses. I don’t mean, like, six months into a relationship because then you’re allowed to drop a toothbrush or whatever. After being there for a night, when you first meet them, don’t leave stuff there. This is sometimes done unconsciously but many times done quite consciously as a way to remind him of said lady or get him to want to return it so that she can see him again. And it’s never a good piece of jewellery, it’s never your grandma’s brooch with diamonds and stuff that you have to frantically run back to get it. It’s something you can leave there for like, four days and not really worry about it, like a $5 H&M necklace.
Some people say, oh I forgot , I wasn’t conscious, fine. But for many people, it is conscious that they leave something behind so that he has a reason to get in touch and see her again. Or she has a reason to say, hey I left my necklace at your house and I need to come get it and if we happen to have a date too at the same time, that would be great.
It suggests to me on an unconscious level, that you feel you weren’t good enough for him to just decide he wanted to see you again, and you needed to leave something behind that made him “obligated” to see you again. And the moment he sees there is something at his house that he has to return, it becomes an obligation to see you. You don’t want that feeling in him, you want him to feel like he is selling himself on the idea of seeing you again. And you might be thinking it worked for Cinderella, she leaves a glass slipper behind, he picks it up and he finds her, yeah but he didn’t have Cinderella’s phone number, you know, times are different.
I hope that as I’m writing this, I haven’t said anything to the contrary anywhere else, I’m trying to think, have I ever recommended leaving something behind like this(I possibly have, tbh) but there is an improvement on it. By the way, the psychology of it kinda works, the idea that, let me leave something behind that would remind him of me, but there are better ways of doing that. One of which is scent, if you have a certain fragrance on that he associates with you and he smells that later on his pillow that night, it’s an incredible way of him remembering you without feeling obligated to see you again. And smell is an extremely powerful mechanism, the smell receptors in the nose are directly linked to our brain responsible for memory formation and emotions. So, smell is a gateway to emotion. If you want him to get the emotion of the date again or being with you, smell is a great way to do that.
There is also another way to do that, leaving a note. Leave him a little note, on his desk, wherever, nothing too long, something that says, I had an amazing time with you last night, you are so much fun to be around and I think you’re really an incredible man blah blah blah, see you soon, handsome, xoxo. By the way, not, we should see each other soon or I would love to see you soon, call me? Nope. None of that stuff. Nothing that shows uncertainty. Complete certainty, see you soon, handsome, your name, kiss. That’s it. Leave it. Get out. That shows no desperation or neediness, it shows sweetness, shows even a hint of vulnerability, like you are prepared to put your feelings out there and you’re not afraid to communicate which interestingly or ironically also shows massive confidence but it doesn’t “give” you a reason to see him again in the way that leaving something behind does and create that unconscious obligation which now makes him feel like he is having to do something before he’s even started. You never want a guy feel like he “has” to do something, you want him to feel like he wants to. Like he sold himself on the process of seeing you again or being with you.
So that’s it. That was better than I thought it was going to be(dare I write a lot, lol). But what are your thoughts? Do you think it’s wise to leave things at a new partner’s place?
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