#TheReview: Street Liquor…

Hi guys!

 

It’s been a loooooonnnnggggg while since I have done a review on the blog. The last time I did a drink-related review was last year, you can read that here.

 

This time, I decided to do a review of sachet liquor. These are drinks that are sold on the streets, you can find them anywhere. Most times, I see them at bus parks and the conductors and drivers seem to enjoy it, so in a genius moment, I felt it would be a great idea to buy a couple and review them for you. You can’t say I don’t put myself out there, I really do try my best😊. I’m awesome like that. The slim ones were bought at #80naira and the fat ones were bought at #100.

 

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Let’s begin the process…

 

Name: Marula Fruit Cream Liquer(17% alc)

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Colour: Not to be confused with “Amarula”. The colour is shit. It’s more chocolatey than creamy.

Smell: It doesn’t smell like anything creamy. Ethanol is the first thing that hits the nose and then a whiff of cream passes by. Almost like a ghost.

Taste: It’s not as bad I thought it would be. It has a creamy aftertaste though. But the alcohol is… Damn! You can definitely taste the alcohol.

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Thoughts: It’s not very thick, I mean, this stuff is #100 (with $1, you can buy 3), so my expectations are pretty low. Overall, it’s not bad. I would drink this if I ever got to rock bottom and needed a jolt. P.S stay the hell away from this drink if you’re lactose intolerant. It made me poop. A lot. Like, a lot.

 

Name: DeRok Quality Cafe Liquer(45% alc)

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Colour: It looks like the pee of a person who is on strong antibiotics. Don’t ask me how I know.

Smell: The alcohol again is very strong. If you take a deep breath of this, you would cry. I didn’t but I feel like YOU would. Damn, it’s strong! Smells like the coffee cup of a drunk. This is what a coffee alcoholic would drink.

Taste: I was so scared to taste this because the smell is just… And I was right to be scared! It. Burnt. My. Throat. How the hell do people drink this shit? This is poison.

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Thoughts: When I saw “quality cafe liquer”, I suspected it was going to be shit. If something is quality, you don’t need to write it on the pack. Duh.

 

 

 

Name: Best London Dry Gin(45% alc)

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Colour: Well, lol. It’s clear. That’s it. It’s clear.

Smell: It smells like all the bad decisions you would ever make in your entire life. Combined. Every single one of them. Gosh, it smells like dead dreams. I don’t even know if I can put this in my mouth.

Taste:(after 5 minutes) OH MY GOD! Do not try this at home, people! This is suicide. My tongue is on fire!

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Thoughts: No, no, no, no. This drink is shit. I should have saved this one for last. I still can’t feel my tongue. Gunshot injuries. That’s what this should be used for. Holy shit!

30 Minutes Recovery Time

 

Name: Best Classic Whisky(45% alc)

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Colour: It looks like the pee of a person with malaria. I really hate the colour.

Smell: This kind of smells like DeRok. A diluted version. Yeah.

Taste: Shit. This is strong. Not like the gin, which is weird because they have the same alcohol level. This is something you drink when you want to punish yourself and wash your black soul.

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Thoughts: To be honest, this wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Quite manageable.

 

 

 

Name: Action Bitters(45% alc)

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Colour: I think it’s not a completely terrible colour. Looks kinda not cheap(I think).

Smell: Smells herb-y. I guess that’s the bitters. Then, out of the blues, the alcohol attacks you, with no warning. And as you’re coming down from the high, you smell coke. Yeah, coca-cola. Very disturbing combination of smells.

Taste: It tastes like sadness. This is such a depressing drink. I don’t feel activated. At all.

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Thoughts: I feel like it lacks character. I wasn’t expecting it to be great but this was a huge let down.

 

 

 

Name: Strong Bull Cafe-Rhum Whisky(45% alc)

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Colour: Well, it’s kind of close to decent-ish whiskey. Not bad, colour-wise.

Smell: Ethanol. That’s all I can smell. Smells very strong. It’s like a combination of ethanol and coffee essence. No water.

Taste: Yup. My tongue definitely got burnt. Oh My God! This is shit.

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Thoughts: How do people drink this stuff. You have to be the hardest of humans to be able to enjoy this. Good Lord. After all this, I’m going on a caramel milkshake retreat.

 

A few years ago, I produced videos of my sister and a couple of friends, drinking similar stuff. You can check that out too. It was hilarious!

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And that’s it, folks! What’s the worst drink you have had in a long time?

 

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XOXO

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