#NigerianGirlProblems: Being Single Isn’t A Disease…
“Being single doesn’t mean that you know nothing about love. Sometimes being solo is wiser than being in a false relationship”
I really don’t know why being single is always being made to feel like a plague. I am twenty nine and I can’t go to any family event without it being a massacre of questions and snide comments from aunties who are still friggin’ single! Does it affect me? Yes. Sometimes. Along with a million other girls like me especially in this part of the world where we are raised to be good wives, not people, just wives and mothers, like that’s the sole purpose of our being on earth.
We have been taught by society and our various religious institutions that it is not good to be single. The pressure that we find even in the house of God makes you uncomfortable if you are unmarried. As a matter of fact, as soon as you turn 25 years old, your family and religious people start to wonder if you are straight, asking you, “when are you going to get married”,”have you found somebody?,”are you a homosexual?” And they begin to pressure you and making you feel like something is wrong with you because you are single. Then you get the idea that you are not complete until you are married. I’m telling you, this kind of message is satanic and unscriptural. I have read the Bible and the Quran in its entirety and I haven’t found where God COMMANDS us to be married.
The number one source of stress is human relationships. Parents not understanding children, children angry at parents, boy not getting along with girl, girl frustrated with boy, congregation not happy with religious leaders, religious leaders confused by congregation, citizens outraged by politicians, politicians dazed by citizens.
It’s a constant battle, everybody is challenged by the mystery of human relationships. The key to successful relationships is KNOWLEDGE. Love does not keep relationships together, knowledge does. So when someone tells you they love you, that is not a guarantee that your relationship will work, so love is not the problem. It has never been the problem. There are so many steps to take before a person even begins to feel like they are ready for marriage. Sometimes when a friend calls me up and complains about how her life isn’t going as she planned and how she thinks everything will be sorted if she finds a husband and has a couple of babies. I never know how to respond to that, because how is one unsatisfied in their life and believe joining with another person would bring satisfaction. I think it’s a huge amount of responsibility to put on a partner. I mean, they are not magicians.
Marriage is not a solution to your problems. You have this funny idea that when you find someone to marry, you will finally be happy. If anything, marriage will manifest your defects, ask anyone who is married and let them be really honest with you. Even though I have learned that they never say the truth about their marriage which is a topic for another day.
Do you know what the most important relationship is? The most important relationship isn’t with other people, it’s with yourself. Self love is the most important love on earth. Most of you hate yourself and you want someone else to live with that. If you hate your nose, your face, your eyes, your legs, why do you want someone else to love it? Seriously, think about that for a minute.
Here is another question to ask yourself: if you knew all you know about you, would you date or marry you? If you don’t love you? Why should I? I don’t think you realize what you are asking people to do. Most of us want to know others but don’t know anything about ourselves. Which is why I always emphasize the need for self reviews and meditations so that you can get to know yourself better.
You don’t need to be married to fulfill God’s purpose for your life. There is no reference in the Bible where God commands you to be married to fulfill His purpose. It doesn’t exist in scripture. I am not against marriage, but I’m against you using it to solve your loneliness, depression and self loathing issues.
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